Movie Quotes

[from trailer]


President Thomas Wilson:
Today we are one family.

[from trailer]


Jackson Curtis:
No matter what happens, we'll all stay together.

Noah Curtis:
Whoa, that's a big plane.


Yuri Karpov:
It's Russian.

Jackson Curtis:
[as Kate's house is collapsing in an earthquake] Get in the fucking car!

Carl Anheuser:
[about Laura Wilson] Cute girl, eh?


Adrian Helmsley:
Sir?


Carl Anheuser:
That was the First Daughter you were looking at.


Adrian Helmsley:
I wasn't looking at her.


Carl Anheuser:
Better move fast, kid. The end is near.

Kate Curtis:
[on the "ark"] Where have you been all my life?


Jackson Curtis:
Gift shop.

Lilly Curtis:
I'm not scared. No more Pull-Ups.


Jackson Curtis:
Nice.

President Thomas Wilson:
[seconds before the White House is destroyed] I'm coming home, Dorothy.

Yuri Karpov:
[while flying over Hawaii] What is that?


Sasha:
The State of Hawaii.


Yuri Karpov:
Not good. That is not good.

Sasha:
[while flying the Antonov] Lift your big ass for Sasha!

Adrian Helmsley:
The moment we stop fighting for each other, that's the moment we lose our humanity.

President Thomas Wilson:
Six months ago, I was made aware of a situation so devastating that, at first, I refused to believe it. However, through the concerted efforts of our brightest scientist, we have confirmed its validity. The world, as we know it, will soon come to an end.

Carl Anheuser:
You're telling me that the North Pole is now some where in Wisconsin?


Professor West:
Actually, that's the South Pole now.

Kate Curtis:
So, now that you have your map, where are we going?

[Jackson holds a one-finger signal before unfolding the map with the ships to discover that it is located in "China"]


Jackson Curtis:
We're going to need a bigger plane.

[looks back at the map]

Adrian Helmsley:
So what? Are you just going to kill anyone who tries to tell the people what was going on?


Carl Anheuser:
Adrian, people who interfere with our plans are not only an enemy of the state, they're an enemy of humanity.


Adrian Helmsley:
The Director of the Louvre was an enemy of humanity?


Carl Anheuser:
After he called a press conference, he WAS! What did you think was going to happen? Did you think the world was going to hold hands and sing "Koom-bay-yah"? Get yourself seated.

Lilly Curtis:
[inside Charlie's camper] That guy's crazy. Right, daddy?


Jackson Curtis:
No. I don't think so.

Lama Rinpoche:
Do not believe in something simply because you have heard it, Nima.


Nima:
But great Lama, Tenzin is my brother. He works inside the tunnel, whee the ships are built. But where is in your wisdom, great Lama, if Tenzin is right... what if our world is indeed coming to an end?

[Rinpoche responds by pouring tea into Tenzin's cup, causing it to overflow]


Nima:
It is full, great Rinpoche.

[after a moment, Rinpoche stops]


Lama Rinpoche:
Like this cup, you are full of opinions and speculations. To see the light of wisdom... you first must empty your cup.

[Tosses Nima the truck's keys]


Lama Rinpoche:
Be careful with the clutch... it tends to slip.

Kate Curtis:
[on the phone with Jackson] Hello?


Jackson Curtis:
[in the limo en route to Kate's house] Kate, stop what you're doing.


Kate Curtis:
Jackson?


Jackson Curtis:
Listen to me. I've rented a plane. Pack up the kids, I'm gonna be there in five minutes.


Kate Curtis:
What are you talking about? We're gonna do our regular Saturday. Noah has music at 2 and Lil has karate.


Gordon Silberman:
Not gonna expect him to remember.


Jackson Curtis:
Kate, California is going down! Pack up the kids now!


Kate Curtis:
They just got back. God, you sound like a cray person. The Governor just said we're fine.


Jackson Curtis:
The guy's an actor! He's reading a script! When they tell you not to panic...

[makes a hard left]


Jackson Curtis:
that's when you run!


Kate Curtis:
Look, will you call me back when you calm down?

[hangs up phone]


Lilly Curtis:
Mommy, why is Daddy so crazy?

[Gordon looks at Kate]


Kate Curtis:
Finish your pancakes, Al Capone.

Charlie Frost:
[as he witnesses the Caldera erupt] I have goosebumps, people.

Yuri Karpov:
[Repeated line] Good. That is good.

Harry Helmsley:
I barely see my boy, but at least we talk.


Tony Delgatto:
About what?


Harry Helmsley:
Life, and how short it is.

Adrian Helmsley:
The president has ordered us to clean out the White House.


Harry Helmsley:
About time somebody cleaned up that mess.

Gordon Silberman:
What he said about you and Sasha, is it true?


Tamara:
Sasha was worth 100 times a man like Yuri. I should have listend to you, Dr. Silberman. I actually like the way I looked before that monster talk me into it.


Gordon Silberman:
Did you know he asked for a discount? And he paid in installments.


Tamara:
Cheap bastard.

Kate Curtis:
[as they escape Los Angeles in the plane] I don't understand. How did you know this was to happen?


Jackson Curtis:
It's not just California. It's the whole goddamned world that gone to shit. I met this guy at Yellowstone, this crazy guy, but he's been right about that's happened so far. And he says that the government is building these ships, spaceships, I don't know what, but something.


Gordon Silberman:
What, ships?


Jackson Curtis:
Yeah, places where we can be safe. He knows where they are. He's got a map.


Kate Curtis:
Jackson...


Kate Curtis:
Kate, you gotta just trust me on this, okay?


Gordon Silberman:
Guys... look.

[L.A. is sinking into the Pacific as they fly away]

Jackson Curtis:
We gotta get to the Santa Monica Airport!


Gordon Silberman:
Well, take the freeway! It'll be half the time!


Jackson Curtis:
[as the freeway collapses from the earthquake] Yeah, right!

Laura Wilson:
[On phone] Dad, where are you?


President Thomas Wilson:
You wouldn't have gotten on that plane if I told you.


Laura Wilson:
Daddy, what's happening? I thought you were coming on the plane.


President Thomas Wilson:
Do you know what strength it gives me to know that my daughter is going to survive?

[Both are on the phone]


Tony Delgatto:
I- I'm sorry. Who is this?


Yoko Delgatto:
This is Yoko Delgatto. Do you wanna speak to my daddy?


Tony Delgatto:
[sighs] Yes, please.


Yoko Delgatto:
Who should I say is calling?


Tony Delgatto:
Tell him... it's his father.


Yoko Delgatto:
You're my grampa?


Tony Delgatto:
Yes, sweetheart. I am.

[Looks at a photo of Yoko]

[Outside the gates of the ark docks]


Kate Curtis:
You don't have to save us, but please, just take my kids!


Tenzin:
Why should I do that?


Jackson Curtis:
The same reason you let in your family.

Professor West:
The Mayans saw this coming thousands of years ago.


Adrian Helmsley:
I thought we had more time.

Charlie Frost:
[Repeated line] Always remember, folks. You heard it first from Charlie.

Sasha:
Boss, I found us a plane.


Yuri Karpov:
Can you fly that thing, huh?


Sasha:
Sure boss, but I need co-pilot.


Lilly Curtis:
Gordon's a pilot!


Gordon Silberman:
No! No, I'm not!


Jackson Curtis:
Yes, he is. Great pilot! Let's go!


Sasha:
All right, then.

[both groups set out for the plane]


Gordon Silberman:
[to Jackson just before going outdoors] Stop saying I'm a pilot.

[They're about to drive out from the plane with the Bentley]


Jackson Curtis:
All right, let's go!


Tamara:
Wait! Where's Sasha?


Gordon Silberman:
Sasha's fine. We need to get out of here before he touches down.


Tamara:
No, no, no! We have to wait for him.


Yuri Karpov:
Go Jackson, go!


Jackson Curtis:
[Tries to start the car] It won't start!

[Everyone panics]


Yuri Karpov:
Shut up, everbody!

[Everyone stops screaming]


Yuri Karpov:
Engine... start!

[Car starts]

[as Satnam's family are about to leave India]


Dr. Satnam Tsurutani:
Don't worry, Ajit. We are going on a big ship.

Adrian Helmsley:
Satnam didn't get picked up.


Professor West:
What?


Carl Anheuser:
Alot of people didn't get "picked up" in this chaos!

Carl Anheuser:
Where the hell is President WIlson!


Sally - President's Secretary:
He's praying, sir, and under these circumstances that's not such a bad idea.

Gordon Silberman:
Honey, why don't we make a baby?


Kate Curtis:
We're not making a baby in the supermarket!

Gordon Silberman:
Honey, women pay me thousands of dollars to handle their boobs, and you get it for free.

Jackson Curtis:
Going to this place really special place that I know. Actually, it's a place where your Mom and I used to hang out a lot.


Noah Curtis:
I don't wanna know where you and Mom had sex. I'm not ready for that, Jackson.


Jackson Curtis:
Stop calling me that. It's creeping me out. What's wrong with "Dad"?

Scotty:
It's been upgraded to a 10.9 by the guys at Harvard.


Adrian Helmsley:
What does Caltech have to say?


Professor West:
The whole city of Pasadena was wiped out just a few minutes ago.

Charlie Frost:
This marks the last day of the United States of America. And, by tomorrow, all of mankind. And we will be visible from the Milky Way as a tiny little puff of smoke. I'm watching the earth crumble before my eyes. The giant ash cloud created by this super-volcano will first envelop Vegas and then St. Louis and then Chicago and then, at long last, Washington, D.C. will have its lights go out!

[Yellowstone explodes. fireballs are raining down]


Lilly Curtis:
Daddy, it's following us.


Jackson Curtis:
Don't look at it! Get down on the ground. Get on the ground and hold on. Don't look back. Don't look back. Look at me. Do I look scared?


Lilly Curtis:
Uh huh.

Carl Anheuser:
Kind of galling when you realize that nutbags with cardboard signs had it right the whole time.

President Thomas Wilson:
Did you ever meet my wife, Dorothy?


Adrian Helmsley:
No, sir. I didn't have that honor.


President Thomas Wilson:
She was in and out of it towards the end. The night before she passed on, she took my hand and she told me: "I think you should have a lottery. Everyone should have a chance to go." Maybe that's what we should have done. I'll be the last president of the United States of America. Do you know how that feels, son?


Adrian Helmsley:
No one could have saved the country, sir. And I think... I think people have a right to know.


President Thomas Wilson:
Don't worry. I'll take care of that.

Ark Communications Officer:
The capital's been hit by a 9.4.


Ark Communications Officer:
We've lost communication with the White House, sir.


Adrian Helmsley:
Where's it centered?


Scotty:
North Chesapeake Bay.

Kate Curtis:
Does anybody got any money? We could bribe them.


Jackson Curtis:
I do, I do. You got a billion euros?

Jackson Curtis:
I was listening to the broadcast and I was wondering what is exactly that's gonna start in Hollywood?


Charlie Frost:
It's the apocalypse. End of days. The Judgment Day, the end of the world, my friend. Christians called it the rapture, but the Mayans knew about it, the Hopis, the I Ching, the Bible, kind of...

Charlie Frost:
You'd have to keep a thing like this underwraps. I mean, just think about it, okay? First, the stock market would go. Then the economy, boom! The dollar, boom! And then pandemonium in the streets. War, genocide, ba-ba-ba-ba, boom, boom, boom!


Jackson Curtis:
Bullshit. Nobody could keep that big a secret, Charlie. Somebody would blow the whistle.


Charlie Frost:
And every once in a while, some poor little sucker tries. Well, like these guys, boom, boom!

[pulls down a screen of posted obituaries]


Charlie Frost:
Every one of these guys, dead, dead, dead.


Jackson Curtis:
[notices one of them] Whoa, whoa, whoa! That's Professor Meyers.


Charlie Frost:
He ran the Atlantis shuttle program. Why, did you know him?


Jackson Curtis:
Yeah, he helped me with research on my book.


Charlie Frost:
Well, that must have been before this "accident."


Jackson Curtis:
Meyers is dead?


Charlie Frost:
Oh, two months ago. He was one of my most avid listeners and he had it all figured out. Everything the government was doing, where and why... He even sent me a map.


Jackson Curtis:
A map for what Charlie? What's the map for?


Charlie Frost:
They're building spaceships, man.


Jackson Curtis:
Shit, man, I have to go because I gotta get back to Earth.

Charlie Frost:
Hey. Hey, guess what? They're selling seats.


Jackson Curtis:
Put me down for three.


Charlie Frost:
No, guys like you and me don't have a chance. You'd have to be Bill Gates or Rupert Murdoch or some Russian billionaire or something.


Jackson Curtis:
Hey, keep it down. My kids are sleeping.


Charlie Frost:
Get them out of Yellowstone. It's gonna get ugly up here.

Jackson Curtis:
Hey, have a safe trip, you little bastards.


Oleg:
Now you're laughing, Curtis, but we have tickets to go on on a big ship. We will live and you will die.

Kate Curtis:
Do you think people change?


Jackson Curtis:
By "people," do you mean me?


Kate Curtis:
Yes. Do you think you've changed since we separated?


Jackson Curtis:
I certainly eat a lot more cereal now.

Adrian Helmsley:
[standing in the Oval Office] I was wrong.


President Thomas Wilson:
Do you know how many times I've heard those words in this office? Zero.

Sally - President's Secretary:
Sorry, sir. She insisted.

[leaves afterward]


Laura Wilson:
The Director of Louvre has just been killed. It's all over the news.

[puts down newspaper and turns TV in room on with the news confirming what she had just explained]


President Thomas Wilson:
[after the TV is back off] Adrian, I don't think you met my daughter, have you?


Adrian Helmsley:
No, sir.


Laura Wilson:
We just talked. He said the organization I work for is a sham. How can he say something like that?


Carl Anheuser:
[to Adrian] Come.

[Carl and Adrian leave the room]


President Thomas Wilson:
[after the door shuts after Adrian and leave] Did I ever tell you that you are just like your mother when you get upset?


Laura Wilson:
Daddy, a man was just killed.


President Thomas Wilson:
Please, sit down. Only twelve people know what I am about to tell you.


Laura Wilson:
Daddy, what's going on?


President Thomas Wilson:
An international endeavour is under way, and 46 nations are currently invested in this thing.

Jackson Curtis:
[looks at his watch after being awaken by the morning news] I'm a dead man. I'm a dead man.

Adrian Helmsley:
You know, when I was younger, my father was on the road a lot so he'd leave me with a box of books and I'd get an ice cream cone for every book I finished.


Laura Wilson:
Really?


Adrian Helmsley:
Yeah. I was a fat kid.


Laura Wilson:
I don't believe you.


Adrian Helmsley:
No, it's true. 200 books and 0 girlfriends.