TV Series Quotes

Dr. Todd Garrett:
You paid $500 for shoes!


Toni Childs:
Boots, Todd. I'm not an idiot.

Maya Wilkes:
[Maya is accusing Darnell of cheating on her with his co-worker at the airport] Joan said she saw you down at the airport with some woman.


Darnell Wilkes:
And if Joan had stayed there she would have seen me down there with a lot of women... that didn't come out right.

Joan Clayton:
My mother always said, "When love runs out on you, God sends you love's equivalent... or better."


Toni Childs:
I thought she said, "When you run out of love's lubricant, use butter."


Joan Clayton:
What?


Toni Childs:
What? Your momma does mumble. And we both know she's a freak.

Darnell Wilkes:
We're just not clicking the way we used to.


Maya Wilkes:
Maybe we should pray about it.


Darnell Wilkes:
What?


Maya Wilkes:
A family that prays together, stays together.


Darnell Wilkes:
All right, you pray, I'm going to bed.


Maya Wilkes:
Baby, be angry at me. Don't be angry at the Lord.

[reciting a poem to make the girls forgive him for something he did]


William Dent:
This Charlie can't fly without his angels.

Toni Childs:
[on converting to Judaism] I'm already on standby for heaven as it is. I'm not straying from the path I've chosen.

Maya Wilkes:
Thanks for watching my little man, Toni.


Toni Childs:
No problem. Jamal is a very wise young man.


Maya Wilkes:
For the last time Toni, his name is Jabari.


Toni Childs:
But he looks like a Jamal.

Toni Childs:
[referring to Maya's son Jabari] I'm waiting, Ju ju bee.

Toni Childs:
[referring to Maya's son Jabari] We all love Gymboree.

Toni Childs:
Where's my phone sheet?


Shelby Girard:
On your zip disk.


Toni Childs:
Nuh-uh, I don't zip-a-dee-do that. I want my phone sheet on paper.


Shelby Girard:
Has Enron taught you nothing?

Toni Childs:
Shelby, I want my employees to show some initiative, but only when I tell them too.

Maya Wilkes:
See, Joan, I told you. Actors aren't smart... and they steal... Winona Ryder... I rest my case.

Maya Wilkes:
[recounting story of Jabari as a newborn] Let's just say LA Transit gets a bad rap. Because they do return lost items.


Toni Childs:
You left Jingle-Jangle on the bus?


Maya Wilkes:
No! I left Jingle-Jangle at the bus stop.

Toni Childs:
Maya, how'd you get so smart?


Maya Wilkes:
Oh, girl, I'm an authoress. I gots to know stuff.


Toni Childs:
I guess you don't "gots" to know grammar.


Maya Wilkes:
At least I didn't miss my baby's first doctor's appointment!


Toni Childs:
At least I didn't leave my baby on the bus!


Maya Wilkes:
Bus *stop*! Get it right, bitch.

Toni Childs:
Hey, Jolly Rancher


Jabari Wilkes:
It's *Jabari*!


Toni Childs:
Why is he yelling at me in gibberish?

Julie Fageaux:
So... lunch?


Maya Wilkes:
Yeah.


Julie Fageaux:
Soho?


Maya Wilkes:
I said yeah, bitch!


Julie Fageaux:
Okay, you know what I'm just trying to do my job, I'm trying to meet your needs. I love your book and I don't know why you feel the need to come in and attack me


Maya Wilkes:
What did I do to you?


Julie Fageaux:
You called me a bitch


Maya Wilkes:
You called me a ho!


Julie Fageaux:
OK... Soho is a neighborhood.

Maya Wilkes:
Jabari, I said get up and take out the trash now.


Jabari Wilkes:
[mumbling] What, are your legs broke?


Maya Wilkes:
No, but your ass is about to be!

[repeated line]


Maya Wilkes:
Aww, hell no!

Maya Wilkes:
[Talking to Toni] Kiss is a noun and a verb, so you can either give my ass a kiss or kiss my ass!